How To Become Emotionally Numb

11 min readJul 26, 2022

“We must be willing to encounter darkness and despair when they come up and face them, over and over again if need be, without running away or numbing ourselves in the thousands of ways we conjure up to avoid the unavoidable.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn

Life can bring you many strong and overwhelming emotions: sadness, anger, jealousy, despair or pain. It is not always possible (or even recommended) to ignore these emotions, as they can help you solve your problems and improve your life. However, sometimes these strong emotions can make your life harder and you need to temporarily ease them to get on with your day. By using simple strategies, you can take control of your emotions and make these strong feelings go away.

Controlling your environment

1. Be aware that becoming insensitive will have a cost.

Studies have shown that you can deplete your psychological resources by repressing negative emotions, making it harder for you to manage stress and make good decisions. This means that numbing yourself to emotional pain could hurt your resilience or even your ability to remember events. You should only numb yourself if it is absolutely necessary to continue your daily activities.

You can also try to desensitize yourself by working on your emotional pain to reframe it and focus on more positive emotions. For example, you could desensitize yourself from an embarrassing accident that happened to you at work. However, you could also try to see that this accident is not humiliating, but rather fun. This is often called “cognitive reaffirmation” and although it is not the same as emotional desensitization, it can have a similar effect.
Be aware that if you experience total or long-term emotional numbing, you may be suffering from a mental disorder such as post-traumatic stress disorder or clinical depression. If you feel permanently lost, numb or hopeless, you should seek medical attention or therapy promptly.

2. Avoid people, situations, and events you don’t like.

The easiest way to numb your emotional response is to control your environment. First, make sure your emotional responses are not excessive. If you know that certain people, places and activities bring out the worst in you, try to stay away from them as much as possible.

3.Take control of situations you don’t like.

Sometimes you have to interact with people you don’t like or do something you don’t like to do. If you can’t avoid things that cause you emotional pain, find ways to control them. Don’t think of yourself as a helpless victim, find as much control over the situation as possible. By simply remembering that you have a choice, you will be able to get through these situations without too much damage. Here are some examples.

If you find yourself stressing about studying the night before your exam, try studying two nights early. That way, you can rest the night before the exam.
If you hate going to parties because it’s too crowded, ask one or two of your close friends to go with you. Seek out their company to escape the crowds and have a more private conversation.

6. Get rid of distractions.

When you feel that your emotions are getting in the way, stop what you are doing immediately and do something different. Try doing an activity that requires you to focus your mental and emotional attention on something. Distracting yourself will help you deal with your emotions later, when you are likely to be calmer and more reasonable. For now, you don’t need to worry about managing your emotional state, just change your mood by changing your activity. Here are some activities you can consider:

playing video games;
Watching a movie;
indulging in your favorite hobby;
going to a concert or a one-man show;
Exercising.

7. Take a break from electronics.

Technology can create intense emotions. By staying connected, you are setting yourself up for stress at work, in your daily life, and a sense of hopelessness. You can be calmer and happier in the blink of an eye by unplugging from social networks. Take control of your emotional life by limiting the amount of time you spend online. Here’s what you can do to limit your Internet use.

Check your email only at work, never at home.
Turn off your phone at night.
Turn off notifications from social networks.
Delete your social media profile.
Stay off the Internet on the weekends.

8. Behave in a neutral way, even if it’s not how you feel.

According to facial feedback theory, you can change your emotional state by simply changing your facial expression. In other words, if you pretend to feel a certain way, you can actually manage to feel that emotion. If you want to be emotionally insensitive, behave like a person who is emotionally insensitive. This will be more difficult when you are stressed, but with a little practice it can become quite natural. Here are some ways to stay neutral.

Keep a relaxed, unruffled expression.
Keep your expression from your lips, not smiling or frowning.
Speak with a low tone and low volume.
Keep your sentences short and to the point.
Look others in the eye with a calm, neutral gaze.

Paying Attention To Your Emotions

1. Tell yourself that your negative emotions are only in your brain.

Tell yourself that your negative emotions are not objective facts; you are never forced to feel emotional pain. Remember that emotional pain only comes from your own mind. This means that you can overcome negative emotions such as fear, anxiety and anger. When a negative emotion threatens to arise, you can simply reject it by telling yourself “it’s just my mind”. This is an essential part of mindfulness.

2. Practice

Rehearse situations that may cause you emotional pain in the future. In addition to protecting yourself from the emotional pain you feel in the present, you can also use mindfulness techniques to prepare yourself for future emotional pain. Think about events in the near future that might cause you stress, such as an important exam, a potential fight with your girlfriend, or a difficult task at work. Imagine a calm, unemotional response to each of these events and practice overcoming these negative emotions. You will soon become tougher on these strong emotions and be better equipped to handle them calmly in the future.

3. Pay attention to your emotional state.

Every day, do a periodic mental check-in to determine your emotional well-being at any given time. Even when you are not feeling sad or upset, become aware of how you are feeling to help you understand your instinctive emotional responses to everyday life. Eventually, this awareness will help you control your emotional responses more effectively. When you do a mental check, ask yourself the following questions.

What are the things I am feeling right now? Am I feeling one overwhelming emotion or a combination of emotions? You will be able to see your emotions more objectively by simply putting a label on them.
Why do I feel these emotions? Are my emotions due to internal factors (e.g., my own fears) or external factors (e.g., if someone yells at me)?
Do I like the way I feel right now? You may be feeling full of joy and gratitude for life and want to develop these emotions. However, you may also be feeling anxious or nervous and don’t want to feel these emotions in the future.
What can I do to control my emotions in the future? Ask yourself if you can encourage your positive emotions while discouraging or discarding negative ones. How can you structure your life to be in control of your emotions and not let your emotions control you?

4. Don’t beat yourself up for showing how you feel.

Sometimes your emotional armour will crack and you may express emotions that you would rather keep to yourself. Maybe you cried at work or couldn’t hide your confusion at school. Tell yourself that this happens to everyone and try to learn from the experience. Here are several ways to forgive yourself.

Focus on the future, not the present. Ask yourself if your failure has taught you any lessons about how you will react in the future. Take comfort in the fact that you have learned a lesson from a difficult situation.
Tell yourself that resilience in these kinds of situations only comes from failing. You cannot become emotionally strong right away; you will have to train slowly, over time. Think of this as a step in your journey to emotional control.
Take a step back. Remember that the person who cares most about your emotional state is you. Your office colleagues, classmates, friends and family members will soon forget about your minor outbursts. Remember, it’s not the end of the world, it’s just a bad time to be there.

5. Take some time before reacting.

If something happens that upsets you, try to stay calm and take a break for a few minutes. Take a deep breath and count to ten. Once you get past the initial response, you’ll be able to respond to the situation calmly and rationally instead of letting your emotions run wild.

6. Keep a journal.

One of the best ways to avoid letting your emotions control your life is to let them spill out onto paper. Express your emotions by writing them down in your journal. This will allow you to forget about your emotional state and move on. Studies have shown that people who write down their mood changes in their journals feel more control over their own emotional states. Commit to writing in your journal at certain times of your day or during times when you feel you are having the most emotional outbursts.

Pay special attention to your emotional response and ask yourself if it is that of a mentally healthy person or if your response is disproportionate.
Ask yourself if you have experienced these emotions in the past. This will help you find patterns in your emotional state.
If something has happened to you that has upset you, tell yourself that you will write it down later in your day. This will help you not to have an overly emotional reaction in the moment.

Managing Your Anxiety

1. Maintain a social network.

Sometimes feelings of anxiety or depression can make you want to isolate yourself. However, your social connections are important if you want to maintain emotional balance. Talk to your friends and family when you feel overwhelmed and allow them to help you manage your emotions. While this may not help you become more emotionally numb, it will help you heal more quickly.

2. Act positively.

Sometimes you may feel anxious about a situation you can’t control. Instead of seething inside, you should try to make decisions that will help you improve the situation. Resist the urge to detach yourself from it, it will only lead you to feel more stressed the longer you are in it.

For example, if you’re stressed about an upcoming exam, don’t try to forget about it. Instead, tell yourself that you will study for 20 minutes a day, which will help you overcome your anxiety.

3. Remember that stress is only a temporary state.

It’s important to remember that the situations that stress you out will soon fade away, they don’t last forever. Whether it’s a party you don’t want to go to, an exam you don’t want to take, or a project you don’t want to work on, tell yourself that all stressful situations pass. Don’t think that your whole life is a moment of stress

4. Take a break.

Sometimes you’ll be better equipped to deal with stress after taking time to calm down. If you start to feel completely overwhelmed, spend 20 to 30 minutes taking a walk, talking with a friend or listening to your favorite album. Return to the stressful situation once you feel calmer and ready to deal with it.

You will feel more relaxed if the situation in question involves a social activity (e.g., coffee with friends) or an outdoor activity (e.g., a walk around a lake). This may be more effective than watching television to calm you down and refresh your mind.

What To Do In Practice.

1. Control your emotions.

When you are faced with a stressful situation, your emotions may want to take control. For example, if you have to give a speech, fear may prevent you from doing so by paralyzing certain muscles and not allowing you to think. By learning how to control this fear, you will be more successful in both your academic and professional life.

2.Put your emotions aside temporarily.

Emotions can greatly influence your ability to make decisions. It is important to put them aside to make the right decision. For example, you may be heartbroken after a breakup and want to move to another city to avoid seeing your ex. By looking beyond your grief and analyzing other factors, you may not want to leave.

3. Anesthetize your emotions.

When you are faced with a situation that you cannot control, numbing your emotions is a good defense mechanism. For example, you may not get along with a family member or be bullied at school. When it is difficult to change the situation, you can try to stop feeling emotions temporarily in order to protect yourself and not have a bad day.

4. Don’t put your emotions aside too often.

We have emotions for a reason. They keep us mentally healthy and are essential to living in this world of ours. By not allowing your emotions to be expressed on a frequent basis, you miss out on many experiences that your brain needs. Sadness, fear, despair, and many other bad emotions are as important to your balance as joy and pleasure. It will be difficult to be happy if you are never sad. It is best to feel and learn about your emotions so you can live with them and use them to your advantage.

In summary, sometimes your social network can help you manage your emotions calmly. Other times, you may make your emotional state worse by being around others. Do what you think is best for you and take care of yourself at all times.
You may make your emotional distress worse by avoiding your emotions. Find healthy ways to manage your emotions. If you can’t do it now, put it off until later.
Try to calm down and stay neutral rather than becoming numb. Find ways to react calmly in difficult situations without completely ignoring your emotions.

Warnings

Emotional numbness can sometimes be a sign of a more serious mental disorder. If you lose the ability to feel happiness, surprise or pleasure, see a doctor to find treatment.